Switch 2 Thoughts! Also, Sky Kid, Spelunker, and Other NES Games You've Never Played

Issue #005 - September 1987 / NES Catalog #064-67

Nintendo is Great is a Substack devoted to exploring the world of Nintendo - their games, their consoles, their merchandise - in mostly chronological order, starting with the NES and continuing to the upcoming Switch 2.

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Talk About the Switch 2, Dylan

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After a scary couple of weeks, Switch 2 pre-orders are live in the United States and not a moment too soon! I’ve seen on my Notes feed that many of you have already gotten yours and are understandably excited about it.

I was planning on ordering mine through Nintendo’s website sometime in May, and I still might, but I’m slightly more hesitant to do so than I was right after I watched the Switch 2 Direct.

My original idea was to buy the Switch 2, Mario Kart World (on a cartridge because I’m crazy), the Pro Controller (never been a Joycon fan), the Gamecube controller (not playing Wind Waker or F-Zero GX with a Pro Controller), and maybe that Nintendo Switch 2 Welcome Tour game.

Not buying all of this just for myself, but specifically to talk about them on “Nintendo is Great.”

Basically, I would discuss new Nintendo products right as they’re coming out here on the Substack, instead of just talking about 40-year-old NES games all the time.

I like that idea! Writing about new Nintendo games occasionally would be a nice change of pace.

Problem is, while the Substack is growing at a steady clip, I don’t know that it’s warranted me investing $600+ in one solid chunk into it.

Also - and this might just be my off-center way of thinking - once June 5th hits, you will be able to get new reviews and looks into the Switch 2 console and all its games/peripherals literally everywhere on the Internet all at once. Gaming websites, YouTube, TikTok, Twitch, etc. We will all be drowning in Switch 2 information, and frankly, I’m not sure I want to add to that noise.

Then again, I’m sure talking about Switch 2 would interest long-time readers and bring new readers into the fold. And obviously, I would enjoy having a shiny new console on my TV stand.

I don’t know. I’m conflicted, clearly.

What do you guys think? Should I take Arnold’s advice, stop whining, man up and buy the console for the good of the Substack, if not my bank account? Would you all be interested in my takes on the Switch 2?

I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!

Now, let’s go back into the past and check out some inconsequential NES games!

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Too much grease in his garters, clearly.

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Sky Kid

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PUBLISHER: Sunsoft

DEVELOPER: Namco

RELEASE DATE: Aug. 22nd 1986 (JP), Sept. 1987 (US)

ALSO AVAILABLE ON: Arcade, Switch (via Arcade Archives), PlayStation 4 (via Arcade Archives), Super Cassette Vision, Virtual Console (Wii, 3DS, Wii U)

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Sky Kid makes war look adorable. Everything is cute in this World War II-era landscape, from the crudely rendered coloring-book trees and buildings to the tiny enemy tanks and planes, to Baron the Sky Kid’s fat head sticking out of his plane. Ladies cheer on Baron from the sidelines, undaunted by the danger of being near a battlefield. If he does a loop for them, they’ll release hearts that give him the determination he needs to keep fighting.

The eleven missions are perfectly structured. The Baron takes off carefully from the runway, narrowly avoiding the side of a cliff each time. Enemy planes, tanks, missile launchers, among others, try to shoot you down. You either shoot them first or avoid their shots with your snazzy loops. Loops not only make the ladies swoon, they also can get you out of tight spots. Bullet or plane bearing down on you? You must loop it, loop it good.

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These are some top-tier dollar-store coloring book graphics.

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Pick up the bomb in the middle of the level, find the factory or warship that needs blowing up, and let ‘er drop. If you miss the bomb or don’t hit your target, that’s alright, you just won’t get the coveted points bonus at the end of each stage. Land your plane on the runway, onto the next mission. Medals and kisses await!

Even adorable war is dangerous. The Baron’s hit detection is extra sensitive; the faintest graze of a bullet passing his plane is enough to send him spiraling to the earth. Perhaps it’s just a matter of perfecting one’s piloting skills. Or perhaps, sending one or two guys to fight an entire army isn’t the best approach. Either way, the Baron’s in for a rough time. Will he survive his missions and find his way home to the arms of his sweetheart? That, friends, is up to you.

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Lady Liberty’s going down. Way to stand for freedom there, Sky Kid.

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Why run from the evil deity coming to eat you when you could shoot one bat instead?

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Spelunker

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PUBLISHER: Broderbund

DEVELOPER: Irem

RELEASE DATE: Dec. 6th, 1985 (JP), Sept. 1987 (US)

ALSO AVAILABLE ON: Atari 8-bit, Arcade, Commodore 64, MSX, Virtual Console (Wii, 3DS, Wii U)

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Exploring caves, or “spelunking,” isn’t for the weak among us. Caves are dark and treacherous. They reward the brave with secrets and mysteries, certainly, but they also don’t care if you live or die. Strong legs, a powerful constitution, and no fear of the unknown: these are what’s required of spelunkers worldwide.

The titular character in Spelunker has come equipped for the challenge. He’s got a firearm for any dangerous lingering spirits, some flares to scare off the bats, and bombs to blast any rocks that get in his way. He knows his way around a cave. Chasms are no match for his powerful leaps, and he’s easily able to find treasure and extra items if need be.

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Black lung disease, here I come!

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Only problem is, the man can’t take a hit. Not one. If he trips on a sliver of a crack in the ground, he dies. If bat guano grazes his face, he collapses in agony. This is no seasoned spelunker. This is a novice who’s watched a lot of VHS training tapes. He’s got the resources, and he’s physically fit within reason. But his Achilles heel seems to be his weak baby ankles that can’t handle more than a couple ounces of pressure at a time.

If you can stand the inevitable deaths and game overs, Spelunker has some charm to it. The caverns are well-crafted with unique obstacles that take advantage of Spelunker’s severe handicap. Jumping from rope to rope, for example, in the second cave to get the red key is a highlight – presuming you don’t fall, of course.

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If I was a coal miner’s spirit stuck in the mines, I’d be mad too.

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Unfortunately, Spelunker feels great to play, until it doesn’t. Until you accidentally trip and die off a rope that’s a foot off the ground, among other egregious examples. If you want to venture deep into Spelunker’s depths, pack some extra patience. You’re gonna need it.

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Feathered hair is everything.

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Spy Hunter

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PUBLISHER/DEVELOPER: Sunsoft

RELEASE DATE: Sept. 1987 (US)

ALSO AVAILABLE ON: Atari (2600, 8-bit), Apple II, Arcade, BBC Micro, Commodore 64, Amstrad CPC, Colecovision, IBM PC, ZX81/Spectrum

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In the Deftones song, “Be Quiet And Drive (Far Away),” a man wants to be driven as far away from his life as possible. Just keep driving, it doesn’t matter where, just don’t stop. While the song is a visceral assault throughout - loud, aggressive, and thrilling - its five-minute runtime is about a minute and a half too long. What was once exciting becomes just dull and repetitive.

So it is with Spy Hunter, a game where all you do is drive, far away, and try to survive, all the while a timer counts down to your inevitable end. While you can speed up or slow down at your leisure, the timer in the corner makes you feel like you have to outrun it, like you can’t stop even when you should.

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At least the trees are having a good day.

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Aggressive baddies come at you, cars equipped with tire slashers, helicopters that stream bullets on you, and armored cars that slam into you, try to make you crash. Shoot these jerks with your unlimited ammo, but be aware that your bullets don’t always stop them. Weapons vans pull up to give you extra weapons, like oil slicks and missiles. There are no levels, only long stretches of road and the occasional trip onto the water with a boat.

The goal with Spy Hunter is to make you feel like a badass for as long as possible, and it succeeds, for awhile. The game is fast and intense and when you go a stretch without crashing into another car or getting shot, you feel invincible. But like “Be Quiet and Drive,” once you realize Spy Hunter has nothing to offer besides its initial rush, the dopamine high drops significantly. Gather as many points as you can, keep driving, don’t die, the end. It’s all fun and games until you’d rather be doing anything else.

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The water slick represents my inner torment.

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