Substack Update
Ahoy hoy, friends! Just wanted to give you all an update on where “Nintendo is Great” is headed in the near future.
First, over the next couple of months, you might see some articles that look familiar. Simply put, I’m in the process of streamlining my archives. While most of the older posts will remain the same, a handful will be dismantled and some of their content re-posted in brand new articles. I know this might sound confusing, but once I’m finished, I hope it will make my work on this Substack easier to find.
Second, back in January, I said that my desire was to discuss the Virtual Boy and its games in February. That didn’t happen, but I still want to talk about the Virtual Boy, including all the VB games released on Nintendo Switch Online and its peripheral. Please look for that in mid-to-late April.
I have lots of other article ideas that I’m excited to explore and share with all of you, but those will have to wait for a later date.
Thank you all so much for joining me on this ludicrous expedition to play and explore every game ever released on a Nintendo console. I so appreciate you reading, liking, commenting, etc. It really means the world.
Update over! Article start now!
In my previous Game Boy article, I asked if Nintendo’s first handheld was still worth playing 37 years after its original launch.
I recommend reading the full article, but this was my conclusion: “For most people, no. Not everything was better in the past. I hate mobile games, hate what they stand for, their predatory practices, yet even the worst among them still offer better experiences than the bulk of the Game Boy catalog. That said, if you’re an explorer, an adventurer, one who can look an ancient video game square in the eye and not flinch (or go blind), by all means, descend into the Game Boy library’s depths…”
We will eventually go spelunking in the Game Boy library, but for this article, we’re looking at three launch games, one of which is iconic.
Let’s find out.
FUN INFO NUGGET: In 1995, Nintendo of America (via the Kansas City Star) proclaimed that 46% of Game Boy players were female, compared to 29% on the NES and 14% on the SNES. I’m curious to know how many Switch players are female today.
Alleyway
PUBLISHER/DEVELOPER: Nintendo
RELEASE DATE: Apr. 21st, 1989 (JP), Jul. 31st, 1989 (US), Sept. 28th, 1990 (EU)
Alleyway’s a zen experience. A block breaker game with no time limit. If you can keep the ball on the paddle, and keep hitting the blocks, you’re golden, move onto the next level. The ball doesn’t move that quickly, so it’s not terribly hard to keep hitting it, back and forth, back and forth.
Later level designs get tougher, granted, and there aren’t any power-ups to spice up the action a la Arkanoid, but it’s not nearly as teeth-grindingly difficult as Arkanoid, either. Plus, all the bonus stages have Mario character designs, so that’s a feather in Alleyway’s cap. I love fast-paced action games as much as the next testosterone-filled, shirt-ripping fool, but sometimes all you want to do is relax. Alleyway fills that void.
Critics, both at the time of Alleyway’s release and in retrospectives, either flat-out hate the game or consider it mediocre. This confuses me. It’s a ball-and-paddle game that was never intended to be some sort of deep experience. These are handheld games, remember? Designed for short bursts, for the salarymen on the densha in Japan or the high-powered financier on the private jet.
And anyway, Alleyway’s as deep as throwing a ball against the wall. You can lose yourself in that activity for hours if you wish, like looking at a fire or meditating, an activity that seemingly produces nothing in the tangible, but is incredibly beneficial for one’s soul. Or it can be a momentary diversion between the daily grind, a way to release some pressure without having to think too hard. Finding Alleyway boring is like needing to be fully satisfied at every moment. No time for contemplation, for the simple joys of just checking the mail, doing the dishes, simple conversation with a loved one. No time for throwing a ball against a wall for no reason, if only for a few minutes. Sad, really.
B-
THE GOOD NEWS: Alleyway’s available to play “for free” (with a $20/year subscription) on Nintendo Switch Online right now.
Baseball
PUBLISHER/DEVELOPER: Nintendo
RELEASE DATE: Apr. 21st, 1989 (JP), Jul. 31st 1989 (US), Sept. 28th, 1990 (EU)
I believe any person of any age could pick up Alleyway and... maybe not enjoy it, but understand why its steady rhythm could be hypnotic, intoxicating even. Baseball doesn’t have that. It’s an outdated, simplified version of Japan’s favorite American sport, despite being a mildly improved upon iteration of Nintendo’s Baseball for the NES.
Baseball GB functions surprisingly well, given its age and the capabilities of the Game Boy. Pitching and batting are smooth, and the players even run at a decent clip. The game slows to a death crawl, however, when the fielders throw the ball towards a base. I suppose the latter can be forgiven, however, since Baseball GB is trying to display multiple moving sprites on a playing field at any one time as a ball is being thrown. Three frames per second is about all one should expect from the latter action on hardware as ancient (albeit malleable) as the Game Boy.
Baseball GB has the same problem Baseball on NES has, though. When you’re playing solo, it’s hard to stay invested for nine full innings, let alone game after game. You can figure out how to hold your own against the computer with enough practice, sure, but antiquated sports games are just more fun with a buddy.
In 1989, Baseball GB was somewhat impressive. In 2024, it’s a reminder of how far handheld games have come.
1989: B-
Today: D+
BE WARNED: If you’re looking to go back in time with original hardware and play ball with a friend like it’s 1989, prepare to invest. Two copies of Baseball, two Game Boys and a link cable are what’s required. Or you could just play on Nintendo Switch Online and be done with it.
Super Mario Land
PUBLISHER/DEVELOPER: Nintendo
RELEASE DATE: Apr. 21st, 1989 (JP), Jul. 31st 1989 (US), Sept. 28th, 1990 (EU)
When Super Mario Land came out in 1989 in the US, there was no Mario formula. Mario didn’t yet have a big, dead-eyed grin plastered on his face at all times. He didn’t appear plastic and hollow, a computer-generated creation one step away from Mickey Mouse in his lack of a soul. No, Mario was still a scrappy go-getter then, a plumber who traversed new worlds like they were nothing. The Mushroom Kingdom in Super Mario Bros. Subcon in Super Mario Bros. 2. And Sarasaland in Super Mario Land.
With Super Mario Land, Mario shrinks down, loses some color. He’s in a new world with a new antagonist, Tatanga. Some familiarities abound, like the mushroom that makes him grow. But the flower... there’s no fire in it. Once he ingests the flower, super balls appear from his hands and bounce around the stage. They’re only sorta effective, but still better than trying to squash everything. When he gets a star, some classical music plays – the Can Can portion from Jacques Offenbach’s “Infernal Galop” from Orpheus in the Underworld – while Mario annihilates every creature who dares cross his path. Classy and brutal.
Despite the unique kingdom names – Chai, Birabuto, Muda, and Easton – Sarasaland is a blend of earth locales and nonsense. The Birabuto Kingdom has too many pyramids and Sphinxes not to be Egypt, while the Easton Kingdom, with its abundance of Moai heads, takes place in or around Easter Island. The Chai Kingdom has jiangshis (Chinese hopping vampires) and traditional Chinese music in abundance, so we can all put two and two together there. The Muda Kingdom could be anywhere. It’s just a bunch of platforms over water, with some dead fish, robotic seahorses, and the best music in the game.
Unique locales aside, Super Mario Land is standard Mario platforming, with the occasional surreal twist. Mario jumps, he runs, he finds a steady rhythm amid the chaos. Goombas and Koopas – now called Nokobons – return, although the Koopa shells explode when you step on them now. Jumping on enemies like the Tokotoko (Moai head) or Gao (Sphinx lion thing) produces a sharp metallic grinding noise when they die, abrasive and disturbing. When you shoot any of the four bosses, they make unnerving crying sounds, like agitated babies. For two blessed stages, Mario Land turns into Super Mario Shoot-em-up. In Stage 2-3, Mario’s in a sub, destroying all the denizens of the sea, while in Stage 4-3, Mario reigns terror from on high in a biplane. All in the name of justice, of course. Mario will never be held responsible for any potential crimes, collateral damage, or environmental impact his actions have caused.
Kudos should be given to Nintendo’s R&D1 for not just releasing a bastardized version of Super Mario Bros for the Game Boy’s debut Mario game. Super Mario Land – in ‘89 and today - is another fresh, bizarre adventure from the Plumber Who Refused to Stay in Brooklyn.
A-
YES YOU CAN: And should play the plumber’s first Game Boy game on NSO, right now.
One of the few Game Boy games I have played, Super Mario Land is great you are correct. It's simple and weird, but there's something about it that makes it special.
On Alleyway, it's odd to see that people were still making Breakout games in 1989. It took some time for Breakout to drop from game status to minigame status. Just imagine Mario breaking out his old Alleyway ship for his final smash!
On Super Mario Land, I find the game weird, but in a refreshing way. It says a great deal about the ambition of the designers that they didn't want to just shrink down Super Mario Bros. and stick it on a Game Boy cartridge; they wanted to make a new game with new gameplay elements.