Chubby Cherub and M.U.S.C.L.E. Were the First Two NES Games Not Developed by Nintendo

NES Catalog #028-29

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Chubby Cherub

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PUBLISHER: Bandai

DEVELOPER: TOSE

RELEASE DATE: Dec. 16th, 1985 (JP), Oct. 1986 (US)

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A stout angel must rescue his friends, avoid earthly peril, and eat as much as he can lest his strength give out. No saving the world. No overcoming The Greatest Evil. Chubby Cherub invites you to a stranger time when dogs’ barks could topple heavenly creatures, and cakes were much healthier than fruit.

At first, Chubby Cherub feels like heaviness incarnate. His walking and jumping are unbearably slow and the dogs that desire his flesh, unbelievably fast. But when he takes to the skies, all things feel possible.

Alas, with great flight comes great energy consumption. Continuous amounts of food are needed for the Cherub to remain in the sky, and more importantly, alive. Grapes, apples, rice balls, and his beloved cakes pepper the environment, but so do the ravenous dogs and their long-range barks, birds that don’t pay attention, and balloons and smoke that clogs up your lungs and pores. What’s an angel to do?

That bird’s got a prayer.

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Keep flying. Keep eating. Eventually, Chubby Cherub will reach the end of the stage and open windows by eating food in front of them. Cherub will rescue his friend trapped beneath one of the windows. Then it’s on to the next environment, where dogs with sharper teeth and birds that poop eggs await him. After every third stage, Cherub must fight a construction worker, but not with fisticuffs. No, as the worker throws bombs in Cherub’s face, he must retrieve a bone and throw it towards the worker. Dogs will then destroy the worker, and Cherub will continue with his holy agenda.

Who has kidnapped Chubby Cherub’s friends? What vendetta do they have against this adorable angel with an insatiable appetite? One could speculate, but perhaps revenge isn’t Cherub’s ultimate assignment. Perhaps all that matters to him is doing what’s right. Leave the rest up to Providence.

C+

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M.U.S.C.L.E.: Tag Team Match

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PUBLISHER: Bandai

DEVELOPER: TOSE

RELEASE DATE: Nov. 8th, 1985 (JP), Oct. 1986 (US)

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Based on the bizarre “M.U.S.C.L.E.” figures from the 80s (which was itself based on the wrestling manga/anime, Kinnikuman), M.U.S.C.L.E.: Tag Team Match is a game of firsts. It’s the first wrestling game on the NES (tied somewhat with Tag Team Wrestling) and the first game to offer multiple characters for you to control. Sure, the wrestling is dubious, and the characters’ names aren’t even featured on the select screen, but this is 1986 and the NES is still young. Small steps are still important steps.

Pick your fighters and get in the ring. Who’s it gonna be? Ramen Man from the Orient? Robin Mask from England? Or how about Geronimo, the Native American? Don’t think too hard about their origins, and just pick a cool character. All wrestlers have a basic set of moves, like back drop, clothesline, and drop kick (classics, all). Each wrestler also has a unique special move, accessed for a limited time by obtaining a glowing ball thrown into the ring; if executed properly, this move does double damage. If your health is low and you’re feeling weak, tag in your wrestling partner for a health boost and a chance at further glory.

“His butt’s gonna hurt in the morning, Jim, that ring is no slouch!”

While each character does feel slightly different, the overall controls are loose and slippery, which makes for some awkward bouts. And while knowing what move to use at which time is helpful, matches are almost always determined by special moves. The glowing ball is the key to success every time. Forget the overly competent computer: two-player is absolutely the way to go for some blissful chaos.

M.U.S.C.L.E. isn’t wrestling’s finest hour, but it does replicate the feeling of you and your brother playing with some weird red figures in a makeshift wrestling ring circa 1986. As such, the game is a resounding success, regardless of its objective quality.

C-