Ninja Kid and Tag Team Wrestling Are Terrible, and I Hope You've Never Played Them
NES Catalog #030-31
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Ninja Kid
PUBLISHER: Bandai
DEVELOPER: TOSE
RELEASE DATE: Apr. 17th, 1986 (JP), Oct. 1986 (US)
Ninja Kid is the aggressively demonic yin to Chubby Cherub’s reasonably angelic yang.
Almost everything is demonic here. The main map is titled Demon Island. In the Poison Field stages, you collect Demon Spirits to progress, for some reason. Occasionally, you’ll battle a random, large miniboss in Demon Hell (the miniboss is not always a demon, ironically). And finally, to usher in Shangri-La, you must destroy a strong demon at Demon Castle. Old witches will also allow you to pass to the area boss and can assist you in boss battles. Yikes!
The demons must have made Ninja Kid as convoluted as possible. Or perhaps developers TOSE were still getting the hang of newfangled platforming games. Either way, Ninja Kid requires explanation.
There are four stage types you may encounter on each world map: Poison Field (collect 10 Demon Spirits to proceed), Guerilla Warfare (destroy 10 demons), Dog Fight (destroy 10 demons while flying on a kite), and Blazing Inferno (light 10 candles). Items can be collected during these stages - like the flute which allows you to call on helpers to assist during boss battles. Others like the Boomerang provide a limited amount of optional stronger weapons that can be used any time. Two doors also appear at the end of each stage. One takes you to a miniboss, while the other drops you back onto the world map. They look the same, however, so luck will determine where you end up.
FUN FACT!
Ninja Kid is actually based on the GeGeGe no Kitaro manga/anime, a supernatural story involving all sorts of crazy “yokai” or Japanese spirit monsters. According to the Wikipedia, Kitaro, the main character, “strives to unite the worlds of human and yokai” with the help of his friends, including, and I quote, “the remains of his father, Medama-Oyaji (a mummified Ghost tribesman reincarnated to inhabit his old eyeball).”
Ninja Kid mentions nothing about its dark origins, but it does keep the nightmare-inducing imagery. Just in case 80s kids weren’t scared enough.
Once the aforementioned stages are complete, an old witch will unlock the boss battle. Fight the boss (a demon, don’t forget), and Shangri-La will come down and bless the land or something. Do this eight times, and the whole sordid game plays out again, as if Ninja Kid didn’t free these lands from any evil oppression at all. Truly, Ninja Kid is Demon Groundhog Day. Nobody should have to suffer through this.
D+
Tag Team Wrestling
PUBLISHER: Data East
DEVELOPER: SAS Sakata
RELEASE DATE: Apr. 2nd, 1986 (JP), Oct. 1986 (US)
ALSO AVAILABLE ON: Arcade, Apple II, Commodore 64, IBM PC
Tag Team Wrestling is October 1986’s second awkward wrestling game and an absolute heel.
You control the Ricky Fighters, two up-and-coming young (and presumably hungry) wrestlers. The Ricky Fighters are paired off against the Strong Bads, a duo with great experience and surprising stamina. Of course, this is tag team wrestling, so it’s one opponent versus the other, until you decide to tag in your buddy. That said, should you manage to beat the Strong Bads, you will have to beat them again and again until you’ve beaten them 25 times to become the Super Champion.
Tag Team Wrestling makes some confounding choices. First, instead of assigning moves to certain inputs like M.U.S.C.L.E. (and all future fighting games) did, you must grapple your opponent first, then scroll through a move list and choose the move you want. While the move list is substantial (six different attacks plus a special), you still have to scroll through them quickly before time runs out.
Second: if you don’t hit, or at least attempt to hit, your opponent at every moment you’re in the ring, the Strong Bads will turn red, and you won’t be able to attack them until they’ve attacked you. Yes, this is cheap. No, the game does not care about your feelings.
Lastly, the controls are horse crap. Sometimes your attack connects, sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes scrolling through the move list works, sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes you can tag your partner in… you get the idea.
It is possible to beat the Strong Bads 25 times and take the Ricky Fighters up to be the Super Champions. You can do this. But why? Why waste your valuable time with a game that has no interest in playing by its own rules? Leave well enough alone. Let the Strong Bads fight themselves.
F
Just For Fun
TAG TEAM WRESTLING (ARCADE)
COMMODORE 64
APPLE II
PC
Thanks to MobyGames and Youtube Channel Highretrogamelord for the screenshots!
People can complain all they want about M.U.S.C.L.E., but at least it's mildly playable. Tag Team Wrestling has some of the worst controls known to man.
I remember playing Tag Team on the Apple II and remember being frustrated how bad in general the wrestling games of that era were and not understanding why they couldn't be made better This game, however, would be the case example. It likely tainted my interest in wrestling video games, and I've always leaned more towards sports games, particularly soccer and basketball starting back then.