Duck Hunt, Excitebike, and Golf are Piercing Reminders of Simpler Times

NES Catalog #004-006

Sep 25, 2024

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Duck Hunt

PUBLISHER/DEVELOPER: Nintendo

RELEASE DATE: Apr. 1984 (JP), Oct. 1985 (US), Aug. 1987 (EU)

ALSO AVAILABLE ON: Arcade, Wii U Virtual Console

Duck Hunt wasn’t the only launch game to use the Zapper, but it’s the only one that people seem to still care about today. According to Wikipedia, Duck Hunt has sold over 28 million copies worldwide, but… c’mon, really?

Duck Hunt “sold” 28 million copies because it was bundled with the NES and Super Mario Bros. And anyway, nostalgia is a helluva drug. We all remember holding an orange Zapper in our hands as close to the TV as possible, hearing that strange pang noise every time we pulled the trigger (RIP trigger springs), followed by an on-screen blast and the thud of a dead duck or two onto the ground. Let the warm fuzzies commence.

Yes, Duck Hunt has personality for days. The laughing dog is iconic, the ducks’ massive eyeballs are adorable and sad, and clay shooting might put some hair on your chest given enough rounds. Still, even in the late 80s when the game was fresh and light guns were our jam, I don’t recall any of my family or friends investing more than five minutes into it. As the duck corpses piled up and the clay targets never ceased, Duck Hunt revealed itself to be what it always was: an endearing tech demo with no depth whatsoever.

C-

What I Wrote About Duck Hunt in 2011

“Despite the game’s iconic art style and ability to inspire nostalgic memories in Generation Y, it’s very much an early NES game. You can play it for ten minutes and get the full Duck Hunt experience. It’s worth revisiting if you want to initiate your own child in the ways of the hunt, or if you yourself need to forget the bleakness of life and become a kid again. Just don’t expect to linger here.”

C+

Excitebike

PUBLISHER/DEVELOPER: Nintendo

RELEASE DATE: Nov. 1984 (JP), Oct. 1985 (US), Sept. 1986 (EU)

ALSO AVAILABLE ON: Arcade, PC-88, Famicom Disk System, Super Famicom, Gamecube (via Animal Crossing), eReader, Game Boy Advance, Virtual Console (Wii, Wii U), 3DS, NES Classic, Switch (Arcade Archives), Nintendo Switch Online

Excitebike is the game that made you double over laughing when you were five years old. Who cares if you got last place, and your poor time ensured you’d never race in this town again. Watching your motocross biker trip on a rock with his front tire and somersault down the incline for five glorious seconds induced all the cackles. Again and again, your young mind demanded, so your biker went down, road rash upon road rash. Your sides hurt. Is Excitebike the greatest game of all time? You decided to race against other similarly clad bikers. Turns out, you can trip them just by getting in front of them and slowing down until their front tire hits the back of your bike. Yes, Excitebike is a racing game, but it’s also a game that delights in presenting the pain of others.

Eventually, you are thirty-five years old, but Excitebike is still there, beckoning you to beat its lap times, maybe build a course or two in the editor. Before you know it, you’re shifting gears, utilizing the arrows to lower your bike’s temperature, and jumping over the inclines without causing massive brain injuries to your biker. All for the sake of that happy music at the end of each race, the sight of your biker jumping up and down with joy. You feel content, knowing that Excitebike has more to offer than crass laughs.

Alas, you are now eighty years old, and for some reason, your NES still works. You plug in Excitebike, but it’s hard for you to control. The screen is blurry. Too fast. Too loud as well, despite your poor hearing. But then, your biker trips on a speed bump and goes flying. You laugh and slap your knee as he trauma-shuffles his way back to the bike, like no time has passed at all.

What I Wrote About Excitebike in 2011

“My only real beef with this game is its lack of a two-player mode, as Excitebike was made for it. Despite this, Excitebike has a distinct charm and significant replay value, unlike the majority of the NES launch titles. This is why Nintendo recently updated Excitebike for the 3DS and why the majority of retro gamers still uphold it as a rightful classic twenty-six years later.”

Golf

PUBLISHER/DEVELOPER: Nintendo

RELEASE DATE: May 1984 (JP), Oct. 1985 (US), Nov. 1986 (EU)

ALSO AVAILABLE ON: Arcade, Sharp X1, PC-88, Famicom Disk System, Gamecube (via Animal Crossing), eReader, Wii U Virtual Console, Switch (Arcade Archives), Nintendo Switch Online

If Excitebike is for the child within, Golf is for the dad we never knew we would become, the one that will emerge whether we have children or not. That ever-expanding gut over the waistline. The receding hair that we desperately try to cling to. The desire to take life slower, enjoy a sunset, a cool breeze in the park, pretend we don’t care what the hot twentysomethings think when we walk by them. Golf is for us.

Eighteen holes, no music, no crowd murmuring behind you, just lush green courses interspersed with trees, water and sand. Mario is your avatar. No longer ingesting hallucinogens, the most recognizable video game mascot on earth is on vacation, baggy slacks, polo shirt, and cap very much included. The right club for each shot, naturally, because Mario is perfect; you’re free to be ornery and disagree.

**That square pixel don’t know what hit it.**

Your strength is in the power meter. The further back the meter goes, the more power the ball receives, the higher it flies. In the coffee shop, you might feel like a middle-aged shlub next to all the younglings. But as the ball sails 300 yards towards the hole, you transform into a slightly overweight Adonis, a man fully equipped to take on any challenge that comes his way. Provided, of course, that you have a club in your hand.

B+

What I Wrote About Golf in 2011

“…The ball, and the power with which you hit it, seems to do what it wants to. Sometimes it goes far, sometimes it barely goes anywhere. Putting can be obnoxious as well, but for me, it was just annoying trying to advance in the game without feeling like Roger Fox from “Foxtrot.” Despite the relative simplicity of Golf, other golf games that actually, you know, play like golf have come along and are far, far superior. This one can’t even summon a “nice try” golf clap.”

D-

Have any fond memories of these games? Does your back hurt after learning these are almost 40 years old? Let me know in the comments!

NEXT TIME: Gyromite, Hogan’s Alley, and Ice Climber