Nintendo is Great is a Substack devoted to playing and exploring every game ever released for a Nintendo console/handheld in chronological order.
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Gumshoe
PUBLISHER/DEVELOPER: Nintendo
RELEASE DATE: June 1986 (US), June 15th 1988 (EU)
ALSO AVAILABLE ON: Arcade
The following is not a discussion of Gumshoe. Rather, I decided to write in an exaggerated detective noir style and apply said style to Gumshoe’s ludicrous premise. I doubt I’ll do this very often, but it was fun to experiment.
Stevenson’s in a bit of a pickle, see? His daughter Jennifer got snagged by the evil King Dom in the middle of the night. To get her back, Stevenson must retrieve the five “Black Panther” diamonds and deliver them to the king, personally. This would all be fine and good if Stevenson still had his badge, but he’s a private detective now, things are different. For starters, his trench coat and unshaven beard make him look seedy, no one wants to help him. Except for one, maybe. You. Yeah, that’s right, tough guy, you. Pick up that orange gun and get to it.
See, you gotta help Stevenson get along. He can walk alright by himself, but his will to live is a little shaky at the moment. If something’s in his way that could hurt him, like a bottle or a rock or one of them weird skull blocks, you gotta make sure he doesn’t hit it. One conk on the bean and Stevenson’s out of commission. You can shoot his feet to make him jump into the sky or shoot the moving targets that come toward him, either way. Just know it’s a lot easier shooting Stevenson than the targets. For a paunchy, middle-aged, hungover guy, he can really jump.
Man, what did Stevenson do to piss off this “King Dom” guy? It’s like the king put the whole world against him! Doesn’t matter where Stevenson goes, the city, the desert, the jungle, something’s gonna try and kill him, it’s ridiculous. Items like the helmet, shoes, and power drink encourage him along, but without your orange friend’s capabilities, he’d be dead already. If you need to try again and again, do it. Stevenson might be a broken man, but he’s tenacious. If you’ve got bullets, he’s got the will.
B-
What I Wrote About Gumshoe in 2012
“Gumshoe is how a Zapper game should be done. Yes, all you do is shoot the screen, but instead of merely taking down bad guys and avoiding good guys, you accompany a bumbling detective on his quest to collect diamonds. The diamonds are for the evil mastermind, King Dom (sigh…), as Mr. Dom has kidnapped the detective’s daughter. Instead of moving the detective along with the D-pad Gumshoe takes control of him for you. All you have to do is shoot the detective to make him jump: jump towards balloons which give you ammo, jump over or under enemies, jump over large holes. Gumshoe will make you jump jump. It’s much more complicated than one might think, though, as you have to time your shots/jumps properly. Some areas within each of the four levels really throw everything at you all at once, including exploding skull blocks, flying hammers, goofy birds.”
B
Mach Rider
PUBLISHER: Nintendo
DEVELOPER: HAL Labs
RELEASE DATE: Nov. 21st, 1985 (JP), June 1986 (US), Mar. 15th, 1987 (EU)
ALSO AVAILABLE ON: Arcade, Virtual Console (Wii, 3DS, Wii U), Nintendo Switch Online
You thought Excitebike was exciting? Shut your mouth, Mach Rider’s in town. Strap some guns on your bike, teleport to the future, and try not to explode into a pile of pixels. Makes rolling down a steep dirt decline seem like a soak at the spa.
Shall you Fight? Endure? Or Go Solo? These are your options, Mach Rider, and not a single option more! In the Fighting Course, you don’t fight enemies so much as you fight to stay alive. The higher your energy bar at the end of the first course, the more Riders you’ll get for the next course. In Endurance, you race against the clock, although enemies get in your way here as well. If you just want to enjoy the absurd color palette (orange, green, and pink smear the landscape) and the bombed-out buildings in the background, Solo lacks enemies and is the way to go. What? That’s not enough for you? Oh alright, stop crying, you can design your own course too. Don’t even think about trying to save the course, though. Saving is for losers. Make your course, record it on VHS for posterity, then get back on your bike.
Mach Rider is aggressive. The courses are full of twists and turns, there’s crap all over the road, and despite his large, intimidating sprite, the Mach Rider himself is a gentle sort. One wrong turn into a boulder or an oil drum and he’ll break apart into multiple pieces. The water spills, the iced roads, the oil slicks, the other bikers, it never ends. The game feels great to control until the next inevitable crash brings the action to a dead stop. All Mach Rider wants to do is look cool, drive like a boss, and maybe shoot a few things along the way. Is that so much to ask?!
C
What I Wrote About Mach Rider in 2012
“So why don’t more people recognize Mach Rider for what it is? Simply put, Excitebike is the better game. It has an endearing (and enduring) cuteness that completely eclipses Mach Rider‘s soulless, futuristic landscapes. Excitebike also bears the hallmarks of the tried-and-true Nintendo classics. It’s simple, charming, infinitely replayable. It’s a classic. Mach Rider is not. It’s second-tier Nintendo, but that’s still nothing to be ashamed of.”
B
Just imagining someone grabbing their VCR to record their little level